A WAKE-UP CALL

"Healing tears do not sting." Daniel/Horowitz As I continue to share my spiritual journey toward and into the interfaith seminary, I am led to share one of my life-changing experiences. In the early morning hours of mid-October, 2007 I opened my eyes to an awareness of pressure radiating through my chest from my back, up into my jaw and right shoulder. I heard the inner message to take an aspirin and get my phone nearby. I immediately did as I was told, however I went into denial that such a terrible thing could be happening to me. I got back into bed, trying to make myself comfortable. Over a half hour passed and so did the pain, so I told myself, “See, I’m okay.” Within 15 minutes the discomfort started again. I don’t know what I was waiting for. I guess I thought there would be huge, mind-blowing pain that would be undeniably a heart attack, yet I knew that a woman’s symptoms of a heart attack are different from a man’s. But yet, I continued to rest and wait. I waited way too many hours before I finally got out of bed, showered, and dressed for the day. I did not have time for this ridiculous situation. I’ve been told by many that I’m not alone in my behavior of denial when these symptoms show up. With procrastination and dread, I finally called 911. Uniformed persons swarmed my home and my self as they hooked me up to the EKG equipment and carried me off to the hospital. From that time on things were pretty much a blur. After many tests, and an overnight hospital stay, the cardiologist told me that I was in a crisis situation. My arteries were 95% blocked! I was told it was a miracle that I lived through the hours of heart attack symptoms the day before. I have no memory of the trip from the first hospital during the late morning hours to the second hospital specializing in open heart surgeries. I do remember awakening in ICU/pre-op with my family standing around me with terror in their eyes. One by one the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, and the surgical team members where coming into my room to introduce themselves and explain the treatment they would perform on me. I was in deep shock and needless to say, tremendous fear! It was all happening too fast. No time for decisions. No choices were given to me. The health care workers were all matter-of-fact on what was needed, or I would die. The team gathered very quickly, it seemed. I don’t remember being taken to the operating room. Surgery took seven hours. I remember waking up very early the third morning, back in the ICU on a respirator. When I was alert enough I was told I had had a Cardio Arterial Bypass Graft – 5 times. In layman’s terms it meant that I had received five bypasses! The second miracle showed itself to me when I was told I had absolutely no heart muscle damage and very little blood loss! I was released three days later to a rehab. After two days in the rehab facility I was in an ambulance speeding off to the hospital again. Through lack of proper care, it was found that a blood clot had moved from my leg into my right lung. I’ve been told by many medical people that it was a miracle that I lived through the experience of three hours of excruciating pain. Usually there is one pain and the person is gone! My third miracle! Obviously I was meant to stay on this planet, in this body, a little longer. My life has changed dramatically since those terrifying days. At first I experienced a new level of fear. As the weeks and months passed my sternum began knitting, my nerves began awakening and the muscles in my chest and breasts were mending, all of which brought shooting, stabbing pain. For awhile my emotions were unpredictable, as expected when the physical body and heart chakra are violently split open. There were many months of grieving, sadness, despair, worry, stress, and loss of time and memory. Deep fear took over where trust and peace use to be. I reached some clarity when I heard that this event was my Soul’s choice. The experiences and lessons gave me the opportunity to stay in fear and negativity or find my way back to the TRUTH of who I am. I revisited my Soul’s purpose, knowing without doubt my connection to God. It is said that time heals all wounds. It may or may not be so, but as we take time, learn to release the negative thinking, and move into the light and the energy of God’s unconditional love, our life propels into joy, forgiveness, faith, gratitude, and peace. I will always be grateful to my friends and family for spending countless hours with me both physically and by telephone as I was struggling to find my inner-center again. They brought me humor, love, strength, prayer, support through countless visits, gifts of food, and energy healings, when I needed it most. My clients and students supported me through their healings and love. Today, I am so blessed to share that it has been over two years since the challenge and I have fully recovered from those October days when my physical and mental body was completely jeopardized. However, I know without doubt my spirit within always remained intact. I am here to continue on my Souls path and serve others. Experiencing a heart attack, open heart surgery, and a blood clot to the lung, yes, I feared I would die. I then remembered we never die. Our Spirit lives on eternally.

Namaste, Judy